You have all been given your designated Santee and now you need to buy/make/steal a present for them.
If you’re not sure what to get them, ask another GRH member or ask the Santee (anonymously via the GRHftw twitter) what type of gift they would most like e.g. a book, a game, a (sex) toy, music etc.
There is going to be a price limit of TWENTY BRITISH POUNDS, which equates roughly to THIRTY TWO of AMERICAS FINEST DOLLARS and TWENTY FOUR OBSCURE EUROS. However, if you feel there is something perfectly suited to your Santee over this price, then feel free to spend. Just don’t expect the same amount to be spent on you. Some of us are starving students, so typical gifts may include the present you gave your Santa last year, an IOU for a hug, or leftover hummus.
Please send the gift via post, carrier pigeon or good thoughts in enough time for it to arrive before CHRISTMAS DAY, unless you are physically present when the exchanging of joy (I can’t even this description) commences.
If you need the address to which the present should be sent, then ask JOE. He is the keeper of all the SEKRIT SANTA SEKRITS.
If there is a type of or specific gift you DO NOT WANT EVER, then please tell JOE so he can pass this information on.
Except she is crazy and told me to fit 2x as much mixture into 1/2 as many cupcakes. Holly…
Anyway.
Ingredients
For cupcakes:
150g margarine
150g caster sugar
100g self rising flour
3 eggs
1tsp baking powder
60g ground almonds
1tsp milk
90g raspberry jam
For icing:
250g icing sugar
3tsp lemon juice
22 glacé cherries
It’s a good idea to turn the oven to 180 degrees c NOW. Because otherwise you’ll be waiting for ages, and you’ll eat all your mixture before the oven is hot.
Use muffin tins, or silicone cases to hold 22 cupcakes. I prefer to double up the muffin cases, because it’s easier to handle the cupcakes later on.
Mix the caster sugar and margarine together until sexy.
Now add EVERYTHING ELSE, except the raspberry jam. And mix it all together. (I prefer to fold it into the mixture, to get lots of air into it)
Spoon all the mixture into the separate cases, making sure they are about half full. Don’t overfill (like I did with my first batch) because they don’t bake properly.
Put them in the oven for about 20 minutes, until the tops have turned almost golden (IT’S NOT REAL GOLD, OK, JEEZ). They won’t be very firm (unlike what you’re used to), but when they’ve cooled down, the cupcakes will become a bit more solid.
They should look like this.
CUPCAKES
Leave them to cool for about 15 minutes
Now make the icing for the top. Take all the icing sugar, and add the lemon juice. Also water until the mixture is spreadable, but not runny.
The cupcakes should be cool before doing this. Take a teaspoon, or similar object, to remove the centre.
Now add a little raspberry jam to the centre of each cupcake. You can put some of the sponge back on top, before icing, or not. Your choice. (I didn’t, because I ate all the sponge I took out…)
BAM. Photo.
You use ANY jam you like. If you don't like raspberry.
Now take a spoonful of icing, and add a dollop to the centre, right above the jam. Hopefully it will spread across the cupcake on its own, without leaking over the edges
Finally, add a glacé cherry to finish.
Put them in the fridge for about an hour or 2, for the icing to fully set.
When finished, they should look something like this, I think…
Bitchin'
This recipe is good, because it usually leaves a good amount of mixture/icing leftover for eating while you wait for the cupcakes to be ready.
I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo, so I am not going to write this blog by TYPING, but by WRITING it on post-it notes, and taking photos and shit and showing you. This could take a really long while, BUT I WILL TRY.
Joe’s freakin’ alarm clock didn’t go off, alas, so he arrived in Waterloo an hour late.
When he got to the London Eye, he called Dasha…
Him: Which crowd are you in?
Her: In the park.
Him: Yeah, but which crowd around it?
Her: No, we’re IN the playground…
Him: Oh…. OK!
They stayed in this park for a while, the pull of hanging around small children was just too strong. But they fought their urges (unlike your mum), and went off to a cafe.
Not a lot happened in this cafe, except for Joe donning his best bin liner and a creepy guy touching himself in the corner and staring at the Nerds.
Tobias had to leave to go satisfy his and John (John Fucking Green) Green’s needs.
John Green
So, Jenny, Anna, Dasha and Joe thought going to one of the largest toy shops in the world would be epic. It was.
Hamleys Toy Store
There were bubbles, so many bubbles, and a whole floor of BEARS (Tobias’ fantasy).
They went around every single floor, paying special attention to the Girls’ Barbie Section, and the Harry Potter Corner.
One thing to note, is that on the Girls’ floor you can find items such as irons, toasters, and vacuums. However, the Boys’ floor consists of swords, guns, and Airfix models. I’m not going to comment on this.
Possibly the most epic thing the store had to offer were LIGHTSABERS! Not only are they powerful weapons, but they also triple the owner’s hotness level.
See example below.
Joe with his Pole. Hawt.
C’mon, a lightsaber and a sexy sexy poncho/bin liner; you just would, wouldn’t you? *nods*
Dasha bought a Matt Smith as The Doctor figurine, but to everyone’s dismay his clothes didn’t come off. 😦
They went off to the sweets section, where Anna took her Jelly Belly Bean purchasing extremely seriously. She counted each bean she bought, making sure that she had 1 of the flavours she hadn’t tried, and 5 beans for each of her favourite flavours. Pity they don’t make a flavour of your mum, they’d sell like… well like your mum.
TOILET BREAK
AH! It’s the RAINBOW DRAGON!
After their escapade in Hamleys, they set off into the London Wilderness in search of a bookstore containing an author who knows how to book, and his multitude of awesome fans… It was a long and dangerous journey, but eventually they found their way to the Gay and Lesbian section of Waterstone’s Piccadilly Bookstore. And there they found Joe’s first book…
Working Title: The Joe Toms Experience
After cruising the shelves, they had to say goodbye to Jenny. This sucked, because they love Jenny possibly more than they love her mother. So, you can understand how difficult it was to let her go.
Anna, Dasha and Joe went into the event, joined later by Tobias (after John had finished with him) and took their seats. John entered the room to rapturous applause. They clapped and cheered, and then he began to speak. It was the BEST THING EVER.
When he finished his talk, they all lined up and got AUTOGRAPHS. Tobias wanted to get his copy of Will Grayson, Will Grayson signed, as if having the book dedicated to him was not quite enough. (More on this later)
After the event they wandered around the store for a while, stopping at the most important shelves of Erotica, Food, Alcohol and Children’s literature.
They all went across the street to a cafe, and drank coffee, tea, and hot chocolate, while Joe pointed out the cute guys. Just before leaving, he managed to stab a couple of people with his impressive pole… completely unintentionally.
It started to rain quite heavily, so who were really the fools when Joe put his SSP (Sexy Sexy Poncho) back on and led the way to the nearest station, waving his lightsaber around so the others didn’t lose him. Once in the underground, all of them, apart from Tobias, went to pee (things you need to know). And navigated themselves to the correct platform, to get to Aldgate East (the station nearest the gig/event that they were heading to).
They left Tobias to go back to his hostel, probably to check if any strangers were waiting in his bed, and got a little lost finding ICE FATHER NATION; possibly the most dodgy looking building in the east end of London. But they went into this seemingly abandoned building, only to find at least 150 people already lining up to get tickets, tickets that ensured the holder would get into the event. Anna undid a few buttons on her top, and got Joe, Dasha, Tobias and herself tickets. As they waited in line, hundreds upon hundreds of Nerdfighters did Mexican waves and chanted ‘DFTBA’. Joe got his lightsaber turned on, and waved it in the air for all to see.
Finally, they got down into the basement and got a few more things signed by Alex Day, Tom Milsom, and Edd Plant. Going into another room, they found a good place to stand and watched as these musicians entertained. Joe waved his lightsaber in the air, being spotted and pointed out (woot). After they had all done a set, John (JOHN FUCKING GREEN) Green came on and talked for a while. He then called the Yeti and Hank, to whom we SCREAMED out ‘DFTBA’. He did a Q&A, of which one of the questions was ‘where do you get your inspiration?’, or something along that line. When this question was asked, John replied that his inspiration was standing in the room, and then he pointed out Tobias. The 3 out of 4 members of Sons of Admirals came back on and played some more, and the crowd shouted and clapped and shouted and clapped and bedo do do’d.
It was getting late, and they were sweating like crazy, as their legs could barely hold their weight for much longer. So they went upstairs and sat on the comfiest sofa in the world (it seemed so at the time).
About an hour later and they were at Waterloo. This kind of sucked, because it meant the day was ending, and they didn’t really want it to. Awkward hugs were exchanged and trains were caught.
Yesterday (Saturday the 14th of August 2010) was an amazing day. Not just because I got to meet my favourite author, hang out with some awesome friends and purchase the most phallic lightsaber available, but because yesterday the Internet truly came alive. I spend most my time talking to these people on Skype or MSN, exchanging messages on Twitter and texting at 1am, and this is great, really great. But when we come together IRL and drink coffee and make more ‘your mum’ jokes than there are mothers, it truly is something special.
Yesterday was an amazing day, because, just for that one day, the Internet was brought alive.
GRH 